Keegan's Live Journal

ravemission8 @ 2005-08-02T11:21:00

2005-07-02T15:26:21Z

THis journal is getting shut down. A lot of stuff that has been going around, i want nothing to do with. I admit that I got involved with some of it, sometimes nonintentional, and for that I apologize. I know now that I have hurt some peoples feelings, so for that again, Im sorry. But Now i want nothing to do with it. Dont come to me with problems about it, dont even bring it up. I want nothing to do with it.

I quit.
-Keegan

Report Cards today...

2005-06-23T21:29:10Z

Alright kids, got my report card today.
Heres the results

Final Averages:
Phys Ed- 93
English III- 87
US History- 78
Algebra II- 75
Band- 94
Jazz Improv 101- 75
Jazz Improv 102- 88
Jazz Ensemble- 94
Music Theory- 84
Digital Audio- 91

Honors, bitches

But tell me this: How the hell did i get a higher grade on my Algebra II final than my English III final?? That still just blows my mind. Thanks to Mr Wentworth for scaling the hell out of that final.

Anyway, I just got back from camp today. For those of you that dont know, i am working at a boy scout camp for very little pay this summer. The pay sucks, but im having a good time. Late to bed, early rise, you know the drill. Im working at the waterfront, and holy fuck i got a big ol fuckin sunburn. Hurts like hell. But oh well, what can you do. This past week was a lot of manual labor. Stacking logs, painting docks, and so on. When we were painting docks, I was working along side a bunch of inmates--literally. They were all out there doing community service. I thought it was a little bit sketchy when they let one of them weed wack. kinda scary. Anyway, i am crashing in the cabin with Anthony, Ben and Dan. I dont know Ben and Dan from a hole in the ground but they are pretty cool.

Well thats it for now
Later kids,
!K

ravemission8 @ 2005-05-24T18:29:00

2005-05-24T22:30:28Z

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Keegan Rae
Birthday:	July 21, 1988
Birthplace:	Dover-Foxcroft
Current Location:	Brewer
Eye Color:	Blue
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	6'3"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	A little bit of everything.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Sketchers, i think
Your Weakness:	Dont kno yet.
Your Fears:	The day when Liberals rule the world.
Your Perfect Pizza:	Onion, Green Pepper, Pepperoni
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Maybe a girlfriend? Maybe better grades? Who knows, I guess i will just play it by ear.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"Word" or "You Dig?"
Thoughts First Waking Up:	What time is it?
Your Best Physical Feature:	Im tall
Your Bedtime:	Depends.
Your Most Missed Memory:	Hanging out with McKay at Green Lake
Pepsi or Coke:	Pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Burger King
Single or Group Dates:	Group
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Coffee
Do you Smoke:	Not to much
Do you Swear:	Yes
Do you Sing:	No
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes
Have you Been in Love:	Nope
Do you want to go to College:	Yes
Do you want to get Married:	Yes
Do you belive in yourself:	Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No
Do you think you are Attractive:	Not really
Are you a Health Freak:	Nope
Do you get along with your Parents:	Yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Yes
Do you play an Instrument:	Yes
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Nope
In the past month have you Smoked:	Nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Nope
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	Ive helped...does that count?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Nope
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Yes
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	Nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Nope
Ever been Drunk:	Yes
Ever been called a Tease:	Nope
Ever been Beaten up:	Yes
Ever Shoplifted:	Yes
How do you want to Die:	In my sleep.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Teacher
What country would you most like to Visit:	Ireland! or Italy
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	Dont Care
Favourite Hair Color:	Dont Care
Short or Long Hair:	Dont Care
Height:	Shorter than me....I dont think i will land a girl taller than me anyway.
Weight:	Dont care
Best Clothing Style:	Not too whore-ish...Not into that.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	2
Number of CDs I own:	not enough
Number of Piercings:	None
Number of Tattoos:	None
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	3
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

ravemission8 @ 2005-05-04T20:35:00

2005-05-05T00:40:43Z

Hey guys, i just got an email saying that I got the job at the Scout camp. Which is cool, its a better job than working at some fast-food joint for the summer. It will give me some time to work on my tan...haha, right. I also got a much more troubling email from my coach saying that Hampden wont be swimming with us next season. I feel bad for the Hampden swim team becasue their practice time next season will be 530-730 IN THE MORNING. IN THE FUCKING MORNING. That will effect their grades, but if they pull it off, that is some dedication right there. I have a lot of respect for anyone that would get up that early to do anything.

Fucking A
!K

ravemission8 @ 2005-04-27T21:35:00

2005-04-28T01:45:27Z

Hey guys,

AMAZING NEWS ON THE SWIM FRONT, BITCHES

Im soooo fucking stoked right now. Hampden is going to be swimming with Brewer for another year.

SO there will be another season for the BREWER/HAMPDEN GENTLEMANS CLUB in the 05-06 season.

WOOT
!K

ravemission8 @ 2005-04-23T19:56:00

2005-04-24T00:00:30Z

Whats up?

Had a job interview today...went pretty well. I dont think i should have too much of a problem getting a job there. Thats really all that happened lately...

..CHeck out the new Icon..

ravemission8 @ 2005-04-06T14:24:00

2005-04-06T18:27:23Z

HERES A BIG FUCK YOU TO NOKOMIS!

"TITO! .....GET BACK!"

2005-03-26T04:07:34Z

Whats up guys..

Junior Ex is over. I think it went fairly well. A few minor flaws, but the show went over well. My skits went well, Except for maybe the KFC one... The girls chorus line was in the way of getting the props on stage in time for our act, so we were chairless and missing a cashregister. The Boys chorus line stole the show, because we are amazing. Even though the music started too early and the audience missed the first part of the act, but we still kicked ass. Today I went to help tear down the set, it went by fast. It only took about 2 hours, which is a lot faster than i thought it would be. It was a good show, and Im kinda glad that it is over, becasue i like having my evenings back, i need to do some homework. But i would definatly do that again. And for those of you that decided that you were too good to go see the best show ever, you missed out.

Jazz States is next weekend. I think we will do well. The charts we are playing are amazing. We had Brian Neadau come in last week and work with us. I know that NONE of you know who he is except for the ones in Jazz Ensemble, but he knows what he is talking about. And he says we should be in the night finals (top 3). We play at 9am..which means nobody will see us because everyone is too lazy to get their asses out of bed.

...And as a side note, and this is as far into this shit as i am getting:
Fuck High School Drama--its not worth it.

Yeap, thats about it.
Keep intouch with yourselves
!K

ravemission8 @ 2005-03-25T17:05:00

2005-03-25T22:06:15Z

I am worth $2,097,368.00 on HumanForSale.com

ravemission8 @ 2005-03-10T16:57:00

2005-03-10T22:01:04Z

Ten years ago (I)...
1. Was 6.
2. In 2nd Grade
3. Not very tall, but taller than everyone else in my class
4. Watching POWER RANGERS!

Five years ago (I)...
1. was 11.
2. was in 6th grade
3. At Dedham
4. Cooler than you!

One year ago (I)...
1. was 15
2. A Sophmore
3. was TALLER THAN YOU!
4. was failing Geometry

So far this year (I)...
1. have had sucky grades, then brought them back up
2. HAD A KICK ASS SWIM SEASON!!!
3. Got better friends
4. a bit more mature

Yesterday (I)...
1. woke up at 10:30
2. Had a snow day
3. went online
4. went to Jazz

Today (I)...
1. Went to school
2. Worked on my solo for Jazz
3. got a haircut
4. Did this survey

Tomorrow (I)...
1. will wake up.
2. Go to Boston
3. Go see The Blue Man Group
4. Probably through Danny out of a bus window

In one year (I)...
1. will be a senior
2. busting my ass to get into college
3. have another good season
4. will be 17

In five years (I)...
1. graduated from college
2. working
3. Have me a woman!
4. Not living at home

ravemission8 @ 2005-03-07T20:39:00

2005-03-08T02:06:15Z

Alright, kids. Im going to try something new. Im going to try to write a long entry. Scott can do it-so can I!

So where to begin?

Well Jazz Districts was friday. I had a really good time. It was really good to see all of the other Jazz Programs from around the area. As far as our playing goes, we played alright. Not the best that we have ever played-God knows we have played better- but we played alright. I guess it was good enough, the judges gave us a one rating (on a scale of one to five, one being the best rating, five being really bad). I had fun playing. I have a solo in our opening chart when we go to UNH. Im a little nervous, but I have found soloing to be a little bit easier, and who knows? Maybe i will do good. Harris says that if he likes it that we might make another repeat to the solo section and add my solo to it. Which would be cool for states. We will have to see.
I have also heard that Harris wants to make the Pep Band into a small Rock Combo type thing with a few horns, guitar, bass, and drum set. I think that would be fun. I think that would be a really cool change, and it would be something we havent done before-As long as i get to be one of the horn players, that is. Anthony wants to start a ska-band with scott and brian. But i think it would be really hard to do because i am the only one that can play a horn and I cant do it alone. Maybe if we got a few more horns that would be serious about starting a band, and were good, then i would be all for it. I kinda liked the idea of learning a little bit of guitar, becasue it is something I have always wanted to do, and I know that i can do. I think that i could learn most instruments, with the proper instruction. I mean if someone was to show me how to play the chords or the rhythm, then I could do it. I need to borrow one of Brian's guitars, so that Scott and I can have a writing session. Brian seems busy a lot, and now that Swim Season is over, I have a lot of time on my hands, and I would like to put that toward music, and widening my musical knowledge. I dont know, i love music, and i like to learn new things in music. And a lot of times now I have been downstairs on the keyboard coming up with different rhythms on the blues scale, and I enjoy doing it.
Anyway, enough about music. School seems to be getting better for me. I think I will be able to turn my situation around now. I have now seen that I have dug myself a bit of a hole in education, and it seems that I am just now starting to pull out. I have been working really hard now that Swim Season is over. I really want to do something with my life. I want to go to college. I dont want to live at home for the rest of my life. I have decided to change my career path. My original plan was to go to some college for Culinary Arts, and become a chef, and open my own resturaunt: Which would be cool, and I could definatly do that. But now I think I am going to go to college for teaching. Yes, me, Keegan Rae, has decided to join the Dark Side, and become a teacher. I have been teaching Sunday School for a few years now and I have found that teaching is something that really has comes naturaly to me. When I know something, I find that i can teach it, and I have found that I can make it intresting, so I have decided to become a teacher, probably High School, becasue 20 screaming 10 year olds would drive me nuts. But I want to either teach English or History, becuase I am really good in english and I really like History. I have been noticing how my english and US History teachers have their teaching methods and I realized that thats what i want to do. I am a people person, and those are the people that should teach. I really think that I can connect with anyone about just about everything. Tell me im wrong....you cant.
Alright, well im done for now. Im tired.

Peace out
!K

ravemission8 @ 2005-02-24T11:22:00

2005-02-24T16:28:23Z

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me? Dont answer, dont wanna know
10. Would you kiss me? Dont answer, dont wanna know
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish i was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I? Dont answer, dont wanna know
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in 3 words
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think i'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. Do you wish to get to know me more?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

ravemission8 @ 2005-02-19T22:49:00

2005-02-20T04:26:27Z

Brewer and Hampden Gentleman's Club Slogans, Quotes

and

Other Shit we Just Happen to Come up With"

"Stick it to the man"

"I'll bring the beers"

"How about another round?"

"...Its on me"

"Celine Ding......The Swiss Miss"

"Give 'er the Geers""Dude, Dont be a dick"

"Nope, but I play one on TV"

".....Its all muscle"

"Im out of your leauge"

"I would if I had the chance"

"Its disgusting how much soda we drank"

"Shut up, Matt"

"We are genuine hard working, conservative, republican, Red Sox fans here!"

"Your not Jewish are you?"

"I love the beach boys"

"WHAMMY!"

"...Im not gunna lie"

"leave the pitcher"

"That's what it comes down to in the end, cause in the end that's what it comes down to"

"FLIP TURN, MEEHAN!"

"GET OFF THE WALL!"

"Keep it surreal"

"GET IN LINE!"

"You guys are newbs"

ravemission8 @ 2005-02-17T21:02:00

2005-02-18T03:22:44Z

Alright, guys....been a while since I have updated. Lets see....some highlights: Well Swim is going great, although (like most things), all great things must come to an end. The magic speech is tomorrow and the day after is the last practice. Its really going to suck balls not having Hampden there next year. This is the tightest that the Guys team has been since I started swimming. I really have enjoyed swimming with all of them (yes, including the ones that dont seem to grasp the concept of shutting up).

Brewer / Hampden Gentleman's Club 04-05

"I'll bring the beers"

The boys are coming over on Saturday for a some Poker and 'Pizza and Beers'. Its should be a good time. We got some good ideas.

Well, during swim season, i have no life. It is School, Swim, and Music; but mostly swim.

ravemission8 @ 2005-02-17T20:51:00

2005-02-18T03:11:05Z

With which great bass player do you most identify?

Jaco Pastorius

Early career backing the Temptations and Supremes. Moved on to work with Pat Metheny and Weather Report. Probably the best technician ever to play the bass.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

ravemission8 @ 2005-01-18T15:25:00

2005-01-18T20:27:24Z

You are Snoopy!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

ravemission8 @ 2005-01-12T22:06:00

2005-01-13T03:11:10Z

This is a picture I took while i was in London. I think its the funniest thing ever

Have you ever seen a midget spin bike wheels over his head?

...word.

ravemission8 @ 2005-01-03T17:38:00

2005-01-03T22:50:55Z

Back to school, bitches

Whats up, guys? Not much here, dont have Jazz today. So thats cool.
Harris tells us today that there isnt going to be a second Jazz combo that I was in, but i guess he is cutting. It kinda sucks, but im not going to get all worried about it. Me, scott, brian and anthony will make OUR OWN COMBO! STICK IT TO THE MAN! ....word.

I let andrea borrow my Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back DVD. That movie kicks ass. Anyone that has not seen it, expect to be forced to watch it...I hate when people havent seen really good movies, they miss out on an important expirience of life....Good movies.

Thats all for now, bitches.

!K

Im back.

2004-12-28T19:19:21Z

Sup Bitches?

Just got back at 330 this morning. Long trip...hella long flight(s).
London kicked ass, dont feel like posting highlights, IM me (Ravemission8) and I will tell you about the trip.

Just looked at the LJ Friends Page.....I guess ive missed a lot.

Word.
!K

ravemission8 @ 2004-12-04T23:07:00

2004-12-05T04:17:54Z

Post a memory of me. It can be anything you want, just so long as it happened. Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you.

!K

Fuck!

2004-11-28T20:21:32Z

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.

Well now i am really pissed off now. We are going to england for christmas and I just looked at the swim meet schedual. It turns out i am missing 2 meets. TWO FUCKING MEETS. One of which is the Alumni meet. Mother fucker.

Oh well.

!K

ravemission8 @ 2004-11-24T10:51:00

2004-11-24T15:57:11Z

Yeah, its the day before Thanksgiving, and yeah, i have no school, yeah, im up before noon, yeah, i have no life.

Swim season has officially started, so far it isnt bad. Lanes are hella crowded tho. It kinda sucks. Oh well, we will get over it. At least Brewer has a relay. Been a while since we've had one of those....

I was going to practice with Brian and Anthony and Scott today, but i dont think its going to happen. Swim Practice starts at 430, and i really dont want to move the set.... I dont really think it would be worth it....Maybe next week.

One of my friends applied to get into one of these communities on live journal, and she got rejected. That would have been fine if it was a simple "no", but these people were like ridiculing her and her application, and that just isnt cool. I mean, if you are going to reject her, why be an ass? If you want to see what i am talking about here is the link:

http://www.livejournal.com/community/__inner_beauty/282768.html

Yeah, these fucktards in the commuity were "beautiful inside"......yeah right. Inner Beauty.....riiiiight. I got a second oppinion from one of my friends, so im not crazy....i think....

Word.
!K

ravemission8 @ 2004-11-14T22:10:00

2004-11-15T03:08:30Z

How straight edge are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

ravemission8 @ 2004-11-14T21:44:00

2004-11-15T02:54:06Z

Whats up, bitches? Been a while since ive updated this pile...Lets see

Well yesterday i went to the Jethro Tull concert...I can almost guarentee you that you have never heard of them, but as your folks, they should remember them...

Right after the concert i had to go home for a second and then jet over to the Up all night athon...But before we got home, we picked up the mail........report cards...

Here is the deal on Report Cards:

Band: 95
US History: 77
English: 82
Algebra 2: 70 <----((Disco Johnny must have been "In my Corner"..i thought for sure i would fail..Im not complaining))
Music Theory: 90
Phys Ed: 93
Jazz Improv: 80
Jazz Ensemble: 93

So not too bad on grades...I passed everything, so i am HELLA ELIGABLE for SWIM! Word? Word.

So after i saw report cards, i went to the up all night athon, even tho i was wicked late. But it was only 11 or something, so i still had time. Oh well, it was still a blast. There werent as many people there as i thought there would be. maybe that is a good thing? I played basketball a lot, that was fun. oh, and i found out taht i SUCK ASS at Halo 2...I just need a little more practice.

Well thats all,
Good night.

!K

PS...If you are a guy that goes to Brewer High School or Hampden High School, and/or know a guy that goes to Brewer High School or Hampden High School that is carrying at least 4 credits, then JOIN THE FUCKING SWIM TEAM!...thats all i have to say.

word.

Yankees Suck Jokes...

2004-10-17T02:50:20Z

Okay, here are a few cracks at the Yankees...

Riddle
Q: What has 400 feet and 3 teeth?
A: The first row of the bleachers at Yankee Stadium.

Yankee Stamps
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Yankees players on them ...people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Yankee Fans on a Bike
Q: If you see a Yankees fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: There's a good chance it's your bicycle.

Yankee fans and Sperm
Q: What do Yankees fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Yankees in the Sand
Q: What do you have when 100 Yankees fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Dead Dog and a Yankee Fan
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Yankees fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Birth Control
Q: What do Yankees fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Two Bullets...
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a Yankees fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Yankees Fan.......Twice!

Money saving tip for Yankees fans
rather than waste more money on yet another replica hat, simply strap a large rubber ***** to your head. It'll be perfectly obvious to everyone who you support.

New York Fans on a Bridge
Q: A Yankee fan and a Jet fan jump off of a bridge. Who falls first?
A: Who cares!?

Eyes lit up
Q: How do you get a Yankee fans eyes to light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear!

Driving with a Yankee fan
Q: Why is it good to be driving with a Yankee fan?
A: You can park in the handicap zone!

Big Foot and a Yankee fan
Q: What's the difference between Bigfoot and a smart Yankee fan?
A: Big Foot has been cited before!

Yankee's quick humor
Q: How do you make a Yankee fan laugh on Monday?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday!

Fax from a Yankee fan
Q: How can you tell if a Yankee fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!

Yankee fans on your computer
Q: How can you tell if a Yankee fan has been using your computer?
A: There is whiteout on your screen!

Steinbrenner is lying?
Q: How can you tell when George Steinbrenner is lying?
A: His lips are moving!

Yankees marketing department
Q: What's the biggest challenge for the Yankees marketing department?
A: Literacy!

Yankees players showering
Q: Why don't Yankees players shower after home games?
A: Becuase veryone will just assume it's the city that stinks!

Chuck Knoblauch and Michael Jackson
Q: What do Chuck Knoblauch and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They both wear a glove for no aparent reason!

Paul O'Neill in High School
Paul O'Neill is trying to graduate high school. His teacher says if you solve this math problem, you can graduate: What is 14-3? Paulie says 9, and the rest of the Yankees say, "give him another chance, give him another chance!" So the teacher says "Okay, what is 7+7?" Paulie says 10. The team members say "give him another chance!" The teacher says, "OK, what is 3x3?" Paulie says 9, and the rest of the Yankees say "give him another chance, give him another chance!"

Baseball Fans
Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked man with breasts lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead man out of respect and to cover his private parts until the cops arrive.

The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over his left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on his right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on his pubic area.

The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found his naked and covered him up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body. He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.

However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.

As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the man's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Yankees cap."

Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill For a bit of hanky panky Jill
came back With a very sore crack Jack must have been a Yankee

Sitting on a stool
Q: How do you get four Yankees to sit on a stool?
A: Turn it upside down!

Pee Wee Herman is a baseball fan?
Q:What baseball team does Pee Wee Herman like?
A:The Yankees

Darryl's Crack
Yankees slugger Darryl Strawberry fouled a pitch off his foot on Sunday and now has a crack in his big toe. This is the first time that the name Strawberry and the word crack were used in the same sentence without it ending with his suspension.

Yankee Crack
Did you hear about Yankee stadium falling apart?
A huge beam fell through the deteriorating roof.
In fact, this was the first time the Yankees have had a problem with crack without it resulting in the suspension of a player.

Good ole Yogi
A couple of Yogi Berra's teammates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him.

Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him. He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.

Yankee IQ test
Q:what does your average yankee fan get on an i.q. test
A: Drool

Yankee hats
Q:why would an A's/Red Sox/Mets fan keep a yankee hat on the dashboard of his car?
A: so he can park in handicaped zones

Yankees and the Devil
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the rest of the great Yankees up here".
"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."

(on the topic:
Q: What happens to a baseball player who becomes blind
A: He becomes an umpire)

Pennant Fever
A Boston Red Sox fan, a Chicago Cubs fan and a NY Yankees fan were all in Saudi Arabia performing military duty for the US Army.

While off base, they were caught sharing a smuggled case of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a sever offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they were sentenced to death!

With the help of good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, a benevolent Sheik decided that they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik said, "It's my 1st wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each one of you one wish before your whipping".

The cubs fan was 1st in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The cubs fan was carried away bleeding and crying.

The Yankees fan was up next (he almost finished an entire 5th by himself), and after watching the scene, said "OK please fix 2 pillows to my back." But even 2 pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Yankee fan crying like a baby.

The Red Sox fan was the last up ( he had finished off the crate- given his allegiance, who could blame him), but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said "you support the greatest baseball team in the world, your supporters are the best and most loyal fans in all the world. For this you may have 2 wishes"

"Thanks, your most royal highness'" the Red Sox fan replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes".

"Not only are you an honorable, powerful man, you are also very brave," said the Sheik. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Shiek asks..

To which the Red Sox fan replied... "Tie the Yankee fan to my back."

Team Pride
Four baseball fans, each from a major league city, are climbing a mountain.
On the way to the top, each is arguing about how loyal they are to their team and what they would do for their team.

As the climb progresses, the odds increase. Upon reaching the top, the Mets fan shouts, "This is for the Mets," and hurls himself off the top.

Next the Brave fan yells, "I love Atlanta, this is for the Braves," and hurls himself off the mountain.

Suddenly the Red Sox fan yells "This is for everyone," and pushes the Yankees fan off .

Einstein at a Party
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?"

The man answers, "241."

"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?"

The lady answers, "144."

"That is great!", says Albert, "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!".

Albert then goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?"

The person answers, "51."

Albert ponders this for a moment, and then smiles and says,
"GO YANKEES"!!

Olympics in New York
(Not so much about the Yankees, but it sure explains the fans)
In an attempt to influence the members of the International Olympic Committee on their choice of venue for the games in the year 2020, the organizers of New York City's bid have already drawn up an itinerary and schedule of events.

A copy has been obtained and is reproduced below.

OPENING CEREMONY

The Olympic flame will be ignited by a gasloine bomb thrown by a native of the city (preferably from the northern Manhanttan area), wearing the traditional costume of leather jacket, Yankee baseball cap and tattoo. It will burn for the duration of the games in a large armored truck sitting on the roof of the stadium.

THE EVENTS

In previous Olympic games, New Yorkers have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of athletes from NYC. These include:

* 100 METRES SPRINT *

Competitors will have to hold a VCR and a car stereo (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting gun, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

* 400 METRES HURDLES *

As above but with added obstacles (ie. taxicabs, trash cans, backyard fences, shopping carts, ... etc.)

* HIGH JUMP *

Barbed wires like those used in state jails are added, electrifying is optional.

* HAMMER THROW *

Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most grevious bodily harm to members of the public within the time allowed.

* FENCING *

Crow bars, broken beer bottles and batons are used instead of swords.

* SHOOTING *

A strong challenge is expected from the local men in this event. The first target will be a moving armored truck. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Stop 'N Go cashier. The final round requires competitors sitting inside a car and driving by a residential area to shoot at their targets.

* BOXING *

Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Super Bowl night. The husband will be given a bottle of wine while the wife will be told not to bring him any corkscrew when the New York Jets has just lost a touchdown. The bout will then commence.

* WRESTLING *

DWI and bomber suspects are to be let loose for 30 seconds before law enforcement officers storm in. Batons and handcuffs are not allowed in this event.

* CYCLING TIME TRIALS *

Competitors will be asked to go to a college campus and steal an expensive mountain bike owned by a hillbilly on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

* CYCLING PURSUIT *

As above but the bike will be owned by a defensive line backer of the New York Jets, who will witness the theft.

* MODERN PENTATHLON *

Amended to include mugging, breaking-in, flashing, purse snapping and drug delivering.

* THE MARATHON *

A safe route has yet to be decided since it is not likely held in the Central Park. The competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up litter on their way round the course.

* SWIMMING *

Competitors will choose to be either thrown off from the Brooklyn bridge or thrown into the Whitewater. The first three survivors back will decide the medals.

* MENS 50KM WALK *

Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Manhattan.

THE CLOSING CEREMONY

Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members from the drug dealers, abortion advocates and gay & lesbian groups, sychronized rock throwing and music by the Army Sex Scandal Band.

The Olympic flame will be extinguished by someone dropping an old washing machine onto it from the top floor of the apartment building next to the stadium.

The stadium will be then boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and wiring, and the equipment such as the PA system, scoreboard, big screen ... etc.

Yeah, bitches....Yankees suck.
!K